We’ve all been there. Those times when someone we’re close to has turned an emotional cold shoulder to us. I’ll say that there probably aren’t many things in life that hurt me more. Yeah, when someone we aren’t close to, or we don’t really know, turns that cold shoulder, well, have fun with that and ‘see yah!’
But, when it’s that person we feel close to, whether they’re a friend, family member, or spouse, it feels the same; like someone pulling our heart out of our chest. It’s even worse when we feel we didn’t deserve it or aren’t able to explain ourselves because the other person has shut us out emotionally.
Today’s photo is actually one of the first I ever took with a nice camera and it has been one of my favorites because it speaks to me about many things including life’s relationship challenges when the communication stops flowing and turns cold.
The Mrs. and I were watching a rerun of ‘Everybody Loves Raymond’ tonight. The show was about how his mother and wife had a spat and were no longer talking with each other.
It was over a seemingly small thing but, because it related to parenting styles, it got heated fast. The two stopped talking to each other and neither was willing to say they were wrong.
Of course, Raymond used the situation to his advantage to play one against the other in order to get them to pamper him so he would stay on ‘their side’. It was funny, but, at the heart of the show, was a good lesson.
The ironic thing is that people actually think the cold shoulder will help the other person realize they hurt their feelings or was wrong. When, in fact, it has the opposite effect.
The Mrs. will tell you that I’m the one who wants to ‘talk it out’ whenever we have a disagreement. She is the opposite and would rather take some time to think things through before saying our piece. We’ve found a healthy medium area where I know I should let something go and give her time and she knows there are times I just need to talk it out. We didn’t come to that understanding overnight, mind you, I have many a ‘I’m sorry sweethearts’ stored in the history books…
All that said to say, if we let an offense, whether we feel we’re in the right or not, fester and put up those cold walls, it will never get better. The lack of real communication will only lead to further distance and, before we know it, we will barely be able to speak to each other.
If you feel like you’re in either place, the one who is getting the cold shoulder, or, the one who is giving it, I want to encourage you to take some time to reflect on what is most important; being right, or letting go, to allow for healing of a relationship that you really don’t want to throw away.
Life is too short to walk around with a cold shoulder towards the ones we love the most. Right or wrong, forgiveness and humility will heal anything, no matter how bad we think it is.
But, it takes two. Even so, one must start and, today, let’s be the one who helps melt those cold shoulders. Let’s be the one who turns the other cheek when wronged and the one who loves despite the hurt. In the end, we’ll look back and be thankful we did…