Mondays are always, well, Mondays. Today I heard from my local pharmacy that our new prescription plan now requires us to use another pharmacy and get 90-day refills to keep the insurance discount. I was just a little frustrated as I’m used to going to the same pharmacy for my heart meds. Oh well, I guess it was time to go stand in line to get everything transferred.
So, after the day’s work was past, it was off to the new pharmacy, all the while, complaining in my head as to why they didn’t seem to explain that to me at renewal and thinking about how long the line will be right after work hours.
Sure enough, the line was what I’d expected. There were people from every walk of life there looking to get their meds. All at the same time as me and all not too thrilled. “Here we go…” I thought to myself. I decided I wouldn’t be the guy who stands around looking at his phone, so I just stood there and smiled.
Within a minute, or so, out of the corner of my eye, I saw an older mother with a 20-ish, tall young man coming up to stand in line behind me. I immediately sensed something wasn’t quite right with him. I don’t know how (that happens a lot to me), but I just knew. So, I looked back and could see that he was a special needs person. He caught my eye and said, “hey!’. He was embarrassed and asked his mother if he could say that. She seemed a bit exhausted but smiled and said, “that’s fine”.
I decided to help him to not feel embarrassed and said, “how are you doing?”. He brightened up and loudly said, “just great!” while reaching over and shaking my hand. Then he turned and asked his mother if this was the big store where they get toys. I turned away and kept quiet. Between the frustration of having to switch pharmacies, update prescriptions, and stand in line, now I was feeling somewhat uncomfortable.
“What if he wants to talk?” I thought to myself. Everyone was staring anyway. “Now, they’ll all be watching me to see how I respond” I thought. After putting a small smile on my face and standing quietly, I heard that familiar still, small voice speak to me.
“Do you love…?” That was it. Just, “Do you love…?” I knew exactly where that came from and why it was asked. God. He knew my frustration, my fatigue, and my uncomfortableness in that situation. He also wanted me to take a look inside right at that moment.
Trust me, it cut me to the bone. I saw the mother being so patient and lovingly working with that young man twice her size. She was so graceful and full of love. You could just sense it standing there. He sensed it too. He reached over and hugged her several times saying he loved her.
I felt ashamed and empty, to tell the truth. I was more concerned about my little issue with my heart prescription and what people might think of me, to look beyond myself. God is very good at revealing our hearts in ways that lay out all our humanness. I know He loves me and is patient with my shortcomings, but, He wanted to know one thing at that moment. He wanted to know how my soul heart was. He wanted to know, "Do I love?..."
“Do you love?” will ring in my heart and mind for days. I’m sure I’ll blog more about it soon as well, but, for today, I have to answer that question with, “not enough, Lord. not enough…”
Thank God for His patience and grace today. He loves the unlovable. Today, I would have to say that was me.
Love always my friend,